


I Remember Not Hearing Your Voice

by Alexanderplatz



Category: Social Network (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:11:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexanderplatz/pseuds/Alexanderplatz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TSN happens. Here is how Mark thinks, how he sees his relationship with Eduardo. They get together in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Remember Not Hearing Your Voice

**Author's Note:**

> The part before the drunken call is basically my headcanon. One day I'll learn how to properly use commas in English. Unbeta'd. I almost want to apologize for the last sentence but I won't. I want it there.

Mark is in love with Eduardo.

Mark has been in love with Eduardo for so long he doesn't remember when he fell in love with Eduardo, or how he fell in love with Eduardo, or why he fell in love with Eduardo. He doesn't even remember when he figured it out, it's just always been there, like Eduardo has always been there. Rationally Mark knows that they only met at Harvard but so much of his life is a blur that time has no real meaning in his memory, so they might have met when they were ten for all he knows and it wouldn't make any difference.

Mark doesn't really understand Eduardo, he doesn't understand why Eduardo is even here, why he ever talked to Mark, why he stayed. But Eduardo is always here, watching Mark, touching him, and Mark allows the touch simply because he can't make himself say no. He knows he should. Every smile, every midnight Red Bull makes Mark look away because if he looked too much, he would want too much. Even now what he wants is out of reach, so he ignores it – ignores Eduardo. It works, sort of. It doesn't make Eduardo go away. Mark isn't sure whether he's angry or grateful for that. When Eduardo finally does leave Mark isn't sure whether he made Eduardo go away because it was best for the company or because he just couldn't stand it any more.

 

*  
When Mark is twenty-two and Eduardo leaves him a drunk message wherein he, after all the swearing and meaningless rambling also admits he was in love with Mark but Mark probably already knew that because even Eduardo knows how obvious he was, Mark throws the phone at the wall.

He's angry, angrier than he's been in years, maybe ever. He thinks that Eduardo is an asshole for calling him, an asshole for not expecting a reply like he thinks Mark won't even care. And asshole for never saying anything, never doing anything. Mark also knows he's an even bigger asshole than Eduardo. Mark doesn't go back to coding because he might break his computer too. He goes to his bed (he does actually sleep in his bed. maybe the real reason he rarely slept in his bed back at Kirkland was because Eduardo was always there) and crawls into himself. He falls asleep.

 

*

After a week of Chris being angry with Mark because he refuses to buy a new phone Mark finally does. He also changes his number. He wishes he could delete Eduardo's number from his brain. He thinks that if he tries hard enough, maybe he will.

Two days later Eduardo calls him anyway. Of course he would. Of course Chris would give him the number. Mark never told him not to.

Mark contemplates just not answering but he also knows Eduardo won't only call once. So he picks up.

'Eduardo.'

Eduardo doesn't answer for a few seconds, probably because he didn't expect Mark to know who's calling.

'Hi Mark.'

Mark doesn't know what to say so he goes for rude.

'You wanted something?'

'I just … wanted to apologize for calling you the last time. I shouldn't have said all that shit to you. It was stupid and I'm sorry I told you. It shouldn't have anything to do with you. I'm sorry.''

Always so fucking polite. And stupid. Probably the stupidest thing Eduardo ever said to Mark.

'What do you mean it shouldn't have anything to do with me?'

'I mean, I have my … issues and they shouldn't concern you even though obviously it has something to do with you but I have to deal with this and mostly I do just ... just sometimes I don't.'

Mark feels the anger coming back, filling his chest. He wants to break things.

'Eduardo?'

'Yes?'

'You're a fucking asshole you know that?'

And Mark hangs up. Which is stupid but he can't hear Eduardo's voice asking what he means. He just can't. Maybe he'll deal with it tomorrow, but first he needs to sleep.

 

*  
Tomorrow comes with fifteen unanswered calls, most from Eduardo, three from Chris and two from Dustin. It's 11 am. Mark slept for thirteen hours and he feels like someone was periodically hitting his head with a hammer while he slept. He needs to get out of the bed. He needs to get out. But he can't get out, he knows that much, so he just goes and takes a shower. Which doesn't make him feel that much better. He's hungry so he goes and eats. He then doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to call Eduardo yet but it's not like he'll ever want to. He still dials the number two times before he actually lets it ring.

Eduardo picks up almost instantly. Mark didn't really expect anything else. Apparently Eduardo doesn't have a speech ready this time because he doesn't say anything. So Mark has to, again.

'Aren't you gonna ask why?'

'I don't … Why?'

'Because you never said anything. Because you never fucking did anything.'

'Would it make a difference if I did?' Eduardo already sounds resigned. Stupid.

'Of course it would fucking make a difference. You ... Fuck. You really think I'd…'

'You'd what?' and now Eduardo sounds almost sad. Which is stupid but Mark guesses he deserved for Eduardo to always expect the worst from him.

'That I'd say no.'

 

Mark can fucking see Eduardo's eyes go huge over the phone. He tries to concentrate on the sound of Eduardo's breathing, on the sounds in the room. There aren't any sounds in the room. It's almost calming.

 

'Fuck.'

 

Mark barely hears Eduardo say it. But it's there and Mark knows what it means. It means Eduardo buying a plane ticket. It means hours of shouting because there are so many things they're both angry about. It means letting Eduardo sleep in the guest bedroom. It means kissing in front of the television. It means frantic sex and asking Eduardo to sleep in his bed. It means so many things Mark doesn't even know names for. And it's terrifying and it's like a pile of stones evaporated from his chest.

Mark is in love with Eduardo and apparently, Eduardo loves him back.


End file.
